If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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