It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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