I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
