drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
