My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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