Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
