Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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