the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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