Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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