I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
