This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
