college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
