Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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