I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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