if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
