just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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