just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
