I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
