watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
