Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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