This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
