we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
A+ Viking dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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