1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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