I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
