you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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