I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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