just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
