Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
