woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
sex in a hospital.. check
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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