i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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