Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
