If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
