We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
