haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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