I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
