You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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