When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
