If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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