I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
