the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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