Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
