I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
