So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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