People in love make me want to vomit
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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