I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
