you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
