the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
