good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
