This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
