your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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